Growing a Human: The First Trimester

So my first trimester spanned around mid August to the end of November last year. The first trimester is an awkward time as generally this is when you feel your worst but you can't really tell anyone why. My boyfriend and I had told a few close friends and family but other than that we kept it on the down-low. I didn't begin to show for the whole trimester and found it actually quite difficult to get my head around what was happening. Doctor's don't confirm your pregnancy in Wales anymore and just seem to take your word for it!

 Symptom-wise I didn't suffer too badly. I was lucky enough to avoid vomiting, but unfortunately the consistent feeling like you're going to vomit can be just as bad. I would actually be woken up every morning with bad nausea - not fun! The second side effect to hit be the worst was fatigue. I really struggled to stay awake at this point - I would go to sleep at 9pm - wake up around 7 or 8 and still have to have a 2 hour nap every afternoon to feel vaguely alive. Although this fatigue is something I still haven't really shaken off, I'm glad it's subsided a little! The third symptom, and the first one I noticed, was the most incredibly painful boob's I have ever experienced! They have been growing pretty much continuously, but that first few month's was horrific - I couldn't even brush my arm past them without wincing! Other than that my first trimester was pretty normal - there are no scans or appointments at this stage in Wales.

Emotionally, pregnancy is an absolute minefield and I think the first trimester was the worst. You don't have a bump, nor have you seen the baby so it's hard to feel much of a connection between you both. There are a lot of adjustments to make in your life as well, and keeping it a secret really doesn't help. I remember sitting at home and crying when my boyfriend would go out. I really resented him drinking / smoking. Going through a really rough time and watching others enjoying themselves in general just pissed me off, it didn't seem fair. I really couldn't comprehend at this point how people could enjoy being pregnant. When you work most of the time, don't live near any of your friends and only have the evenings free going out and drinking is the main form of social interaction you get with your mates. Suddenly I couldn't do this anymore and generally found myself just staying in and not seeing people.

The thought of getting bigger, although far off, terrified me. I'd just started a degree and the thought of being on campus with a bump as well as in work really made me quite anxious. I didn't tell my parents for quite a while so was really lacking in emotional support. I'm not from Cardiff but my other half is, so his family and friends are all close... I even resented him a little for this because I felt like I've left my life behind despite the fact I'd lived here for a year or so before we'd met.

Generally, I think I'm quite independent and don't like to be reliant on anyone. With this comes a feeling of being 'in control', especially of myself. Suddenly I had lost any control I had over my own life. I wouldn't be working, I'd be living off someone else, I'd lost control of my body.

This is not to say there are not some great feelings too - the great thing about mood swings is that they go both ways - feeling super in love and making a baby with someone is an amazing feeling. Unfortunately for me I was in no way mentally prepared for pregnancy and struggled a bit to come to terms with the fact I was going to be a mother.

It's safe to say I'm glad these months are over and I'm generally feeling a lot better about everything in my second trimester (so far!)

xxx